Your time as caterpillar has expired: your wings are ready
The photo above is from my wedding day – my dress had sequenced butterflies all over it, oh so very pretty – and it reminds me of a message that I have shared with many clients recently: “Your time as a caterpillar has expired, your wings are ready.”
Of course, while it absolutely applies to my clients, the message was also directed at me. While it was easy for me to see the transformation in others, it was harder to see in myself. Or perhaps I was just reluctant to own it.
What makes transformation hard?
Because it is painful. In the chrysalis, the caterpillar’s body parts undergo a metamorphosis whereby they change beyond all recognition. Physical growth is painful, mental and spiritual growth hurts sometimes beyond words.
Because it is often unnoticed. To outside observers, a caterpillar gets first very fat (as especially all parents who have read the Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle over and over again know), then seemingly comatose from all the eating and then disappears from view inside a cocoon. When adults grow their capabilities, they too take in information from books or advice from others and then disappear into their inner world to make sense of it all.
Because it does not always go according to plan. Sometimes the butterflies fail to emerge from the chrysalis because of strands of silk adhere to the surface of the chrysalisand coil around it. Humans, too, despite best intentions and best efforts can be held back from the transformation they so desired. The human strands of silk include unhelpful mindsets and destructive circumstances (involving both individual people and structures of people)
Because it means saying goodbye to being caterpillar. A butterfly is no longer a caterpillar. A butterfly does not (and cannot) move the same way a caterpillar does, it does not enjoy the same food as a caterpillar does. It can no longer hang out with the other caterpillars. Saying goodbye to one stage of your life can be sad, or joyous, or both at the same time. You have left the old you behind, and you may not yet be comfortable using your wings.
“And despite of all the above: the feeling of freedom, the ability to reach areas that previously were not attainable make it all worthwhile.”
Why? The pain and visible changes largely exist at the level of consensus reality (what is measurable and concrete), but digging into ourselves – not just into our dreams and fears but even deeper into our sentient essence - will give you a more profound connection not just to yourself but to others as well.
The three levels of reality – consensus, dreaming and sentient essence – are concepts from the relationship systems intelligence (RSI) work that I have been learning with ORSCover the past six months. RSI gives many additional lenses and approaches to working and being better with others, in your team or organisation, in your romantic relationship or as part of an extended family. Let me know if you are curious to learn more!